Q. I am 27 now and in a relationship with two women. One is a year younger than me, while the other is 10 years older. I like both of them and things were fine until now. But my family wants me to get married and I can’t decide which one to propose to. Help, please
Ans: Two women and a family taking care of your physical and emotional needs. Competing with the kings and rock stars are we!? My only hope is that both the girls know that you have two relationships. Them not knowing would mean that you are taking decisions about their lives and relationships for them.
However, this doesn’t surprise me considering that you are allowing your family to take decisions for you. You seem to be happy in your current situation, why get married? Do you feel that you need to choose even if you are more fulfilled with two women? Maybe you have been socialised to believe that a monogamous marriage will make you and your family accepted and happy.
If you strongly believe in this social construct, I would advise you to propose to the younger one. The same construct must have made you believe that a younger woman is the right choice. If you are more into introspection and questioning some norms, you could challenge your family and say you don’t want to get married right now. Want to risk it even further? Propose to the older one. Want to go all in?
Try the unmarried throuple experience or get married to one and continue the other relationship as well. All options, besides get married to the younger one, require honesty about your needs towards your partners, your family and yourself. You might face resistance and judgement but sometimes that’s a price one pays for being authentic.
(The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach and an Independent People and Culture Specialist focusing on relationships, sexuality, youth and social media in South Asia. Have a query? Send it on [email protected])